hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
