I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
