We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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