There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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