never play flip cup with pint glasses
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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