I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
