I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
