Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
organizing the empties. That sober.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
