I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
