I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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