Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
