I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
