so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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