Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
is wine microwaveable?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
