We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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