I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
