it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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