For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
