It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
