Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
