who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
