As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
