My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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