so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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