you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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