About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
