Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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