If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
