I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
