I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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