everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
