I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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