You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
