Three words: puerto rican gang bang
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Houston, we have a blender
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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