can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
