Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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