yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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