You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
