girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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