My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
