Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
