I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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