we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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