She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
