Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
