Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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