Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
