chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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