No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
