Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
