Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This beer is not sobering me up at all
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
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