I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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