Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My feet surprised me
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