Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
