I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
