I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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