# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
